August 13, 2012
The rest of the lessons from Philippians are a little too advanced for me at this stage of grief. I will come back to them.
And so I turn to Psalm 119 and these are the verses I underlined.
25 My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word.
28 My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
In both, it is God's word that gives life and strengthens. I need to be in the Word to recover from the blow of Cora's death, but in my flesh, the Word is the last place I want to be.
50 This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.
It's in these sorts of Scriptures that I have to trust because at times nothing seems farther that the truth.
In my flesh I'd rather say:
"God's promise? What promise?!
God doesn't answer prayer.
He doesn't bring life, he allows death.
God doesn't love me, he afflicts me.
God can't be trusted."
Oh how the Tempter twists and deceives!
Giving in to these tempting thoughts does nothing but worsen my grief because not only then will I have lost Cora, I will have lost my faith. Instead of one tragedy, there would be two.
It is the grace and mercy of God that keep me hoping in Him even while I'm angry at Him.
68 You are good and you do good; teach me your statutes.
Perhaps verse 71 is true:
71 It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.
75 I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
76 Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.
Lord, 82 When will you comfort me? For I have become like a wineskin in the smoke, yet I have not forgotten your statutes. 116 Let me not be put to shame in my hope!
132 Turn to me and be gracious to me, as is your way with those who love your name. 133 Keep steady my steps according to your promise and let no iniquity get dominion over me.
Jesus, 169 Let my cry come before you, O Lord, give me understanding according to your word!
170 Let my plea come before you, deliver me...
173 Let your hand be ready to help me...
176 I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant for I do not forget your commandments.
Oh God, hear my prayer. Do not forsake me to unbelief. Lord, increase my faith that I may see you in this. Please don't let Cora's death be in vain. Hold onto me, Lord.