March 17, 2013
I have made it to seven weeks exactly. Lord, keep this baby safe!
Thoughts of Cora come much more often now. I remember what it was like to feel her move. I remember every bit of excitement at the thought of holding her. Unfortunately, I also think often about those last days. I keep going back to them, like somehow there's a secret to unlock or some clue to discover.
Evan and I have been mulling over baby names. "What's in a name?" -Ever so much (in my opinion anyway)! We think Cora Lane was the absolute best, but this new baby has his or her own precious identity. And the coming name will be just as sweet to us. We have become big believers in naming early. We named Cora as soon as we found out she was a girl, and by the end, her identity and personhood were firmly established in our lives. And as soon as we said her name out loud, that was it. There was no question. It was as if the Lord named her, and I believe he did. We'd like to do that part the same this time around. I guess you'll just have to wait and find out what the next sweet name will be!
Everyday is a struggle for peace. I realize fretting won't do any good, so I pray and wait. Every day. Pray and wait.
I've changed doctors, and I pray that my new Dr. will take great care. I am anxious to first have an ultrasound to see if all looks okay so far. I think then it may be easier to begin the bonding process. I haven't really let myself dream of a future with this little one yet, and I know that's not fair. Our dreams were so cruelly dashed with Cora.
I am thankful for each day I have with this baby, though. Had I known what was to come, I would have cherished each moment of pregnancy with Cora. Now I'm reminded daily to thank God for this baby and pray for thriving health and safety from danger. I just can't wait to pray with his or her name in mind....a name soon to be determined. The Lord knows what it will be.