Outwardly, everything is fine. Inwardly, it has been a rough week. I think I have some latent anger simmering under the surface. Bitterness isn't a foe you only have to beat once. I struggle to defeat him every day or at least every week.
Every part of my life is different from what is was before we lost Cora. Not a thing is the same. I went from working in full time in ministry, which I loved, to now staying home and teaching from home, which I'm learning to love. We moved to a new house. I'm in a different church, different community. Everything has changed. 'Out with the old' can sometimes be good, but out went my sense of hope and cheer and optimism too. Evan and I are different people than we were one year ago (almost exactly) when we found out we were pregnant. What good news that was! I wish I could get some good news in 2012. As it is, the new year can't come soon enough.
I know others out there who are hurting, just as badly, and some worse....physically. And I weep for them. I weep for all the hurts. Because I know when hurt is staring you down and seemingly winning the battle, all you can do is cry. And cry for help. I'm training my ears to hear Jesus' rescuing answer. I'm straining to catch the whisper of his voice. I so look forward to the day when what we hear is a victory shout resounding, thundering through the eastern sky. Jesus, come.